I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
