Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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