Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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