Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
