she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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