Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
