Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
