it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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