let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
