You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
