its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
