hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
