she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
