I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
