I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
