I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
