we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
