u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
