you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
