They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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