The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
