U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
