Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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