go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
