i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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