wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
