Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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