doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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