i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
