It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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