My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
