Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
