goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we're making bets on your personal life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
