she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
