Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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