I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
