Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
