her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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