Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
