I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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