So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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