My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
