Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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