Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
