I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
