The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
