I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
