Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
