Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
