Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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