my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
40s are totally the cure
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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