I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
