I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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