I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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