Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
