I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
