Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
