spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
